We tend to keep these charades alive until the first genuine inquiry from our offspring, when we spill the beans and tell the truth. The same holds true for that damned Elf on a Shelf that doesn’t actually stay on a shelf but miraculously moves every 24 hours like an escaped convict. Most of us parents create these fibs as a way to maintain the magic in a childhood that is becoming shorter and shorter with every generation. ![]() No, I’m talking about the lies we tell on a regular basis. We all know to keep those stories a secret until the right emergency presents itself, like a proposed elopement at age seventeen, or being on the receiving end of their one phone call during an overnight stay in the pokey. And, unless you are one of the rare breed who sucks all the fun out of childhood, you probably do, too.įorget for a moment all of our poor relationship choices, or those college memories that remain hidden behind a haze of smoke and suds. So, I left the conversation vowing to stick with the truth. Let’s face it, some things are just too hard to explain to children. I might as well have just read him a bedtime story from a textbook on quantum physics. This proved only slightly more difficult than explaining how “yesterday, today, and tomorrow” works. So, after calming him down with a well-timed cookie, I did my best to explain the concept of a “figure of speech” to his tiny mind. “Daddy! You said it would only be one second! You left… and I counted to ONE… and YOU WEREN’T BACK! You’re a LIAR!” As soon as I stepped over the threshold, his eyes pierced my soul as he shouted. As I approached the house, my son stood in the doorway, boiling with a white-hot rage that had previously been reserved only for that little plastic bubble thingy that forcibly sucks snot out of a toddler’s nose. I walked to the driveway, opened the door, reached into the console, and retrieved my wallet. I just have to get something out of the car.” Soggy paper boats clogging the bathroom sink.Īnyhow, my three-year-old stopped me as I was half-way out the front door and asked, “Daddy, come look at this picture!” ![]() I was rushing around the house, trying to get a bunch of chores done before my wife arrived home from a trip and saw the chaos that reigns while she’s away. ![]() NOTE TO PARENTS: If your kids are nearby, STOP READING!
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